View Full Version : OT: in the spirit of Hail Satan Network

Ellis D Trails
06-18-2004, 10:27 AM
Top ten signs you're a Fundamentalist/Evangelical Christian:

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of the hundreds of gods and goddesses
claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the
existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people
evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical
claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a triune

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the atrocities attributed to
Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how Yahweh slaughtered
all the babies of Egypt (Exodus) and ordered the elimination of entire
ethnic groups (Joshua) -- including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans and Greek claims about gods
sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit
impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back
to life, and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the
scientifically established age of Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find
nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting
in their tents and guessing that Earth is a couple of generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception
of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects
-- will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet, you
consider your version of religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern archeology, geology, biology, and physics have failed to
convince you of the validity of natural laws and scientific fact, some idiot
rolling around on the floor babbling in "tongues" may be all the evidence
you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered
prayers. You consider that to be evidence that "prayer works." And you think
that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE rate was simply the will of God.

1 - And the number one sign? You actually know a lot less than many atheists
and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history -- but
you still call yourself a Christian and everyone else doomed.

06-24-2004, 03:19 PM
I couldn't have said* it better myself!

*copy and pasted

06-24-2004, 04:38 PM
list humor? ALRIGHT!


06-29-2005, 06:47 PM
I found it amusing.

06-29-2005, 09:03 PM
Originally posted by agent_PUNT
I couldn't have said* it better myself!

*copy and pasted

cleverly done my friend, cleverly done.

06-29-2005, 11:25 PM
I'm not religious, but I think that it's useless to argue someone's beliefs.

06-29-2005, 11:57 PM
Originally posted by TomWopat
I'm not religious, but I think that it's useless to argue someone's beliefs.

So if you WERE religious you would think it was useful to argue someone's beliefs?

I don't get the connection.

06-30-2005, 02:14 PM
At this point, I just assume that Jesus was an allegory for the war between the states. The south will rise again.


06-30-2005, 02:32 PM
I really need Juanballsac to say something now


06-30-2005, 03:10 PM
Originally posted by agent_PUNT
So if you WERE religious you would think it was useful to argue someone's beliefs?

I don't get the connection.

I've seen some Atheists and overall non religious people try to, like in the case of the original post, attack other religions and pretty much tell them that they are wrong. Hell, even some religious people do this.

Personally, I really don't care what people choose to believe.

Is this worded better?


6 Inch Taint
07-01-2005, 10:58 AM
Damn, I had no idea you homosexuals could be so open-minded. It's a little ironic... Don't ya think?

07-01-2005, 12:24 PM
Homosexuals being open minded is the complete opposite of irony.

6 Inch Taint
07-01-2005, 04:24 PM
And so is me pointing out your ignorance. Think about it.

07-01-2005, 06:46 PM
You saying that you pointed out "ignorance" but not knowing what ironic means is.

6 Inch Taint
07-01-2005, 07:15 PM
I understand that satire can be difficult for some homosexuals. The ignorant ones.

07-01-2005, 07:27 PM

07-01-2005, 07:31 PM

07-01-2005, 07:37 PM
After reading some of 'his' posts, I'd say with %98 certainty that this is Maple Syrup. Whether Maple Syrup was AHK86 is another story.

6 Inch Taint
07-01-2005, 09:55 PM
You're 98% Jewish. Keep wasting your life on the internet.