View Full Version : The Pride is... Hey, Where'd the Pride Go???

07-06-2004, 05:42 PM
So I was watching David Crossessessseses'sses "The Pride is Back" again yesterday. I hadn't seen it in a while and I just downloaded it. Something always bothered me about it. You know when he's talking about airport porn? ("The World's Filthiest Ball-Draining Cum Mag!!!") That's a good chunk of the show is him claiming to be baffled by the fact that they sell porn in airports! He says he can't understand people who don't have the will power to hold off from crankin' it for a few hours while you're on an airplane. Is this somehow not obvious? Do I need to be the one to point out the problem with this premise? THERE'S A FUCKING AIRPORT AT BOTH ENDS OF YOUR FLIGHT, DUMBFUCK!!!!!!! You buy the porn when you GET TO where you're going!!!! Then you take it back to your hotel and take care of things! It's not about whipping your dick out on a plane!!! The thing is, there's NO WAY he doesn't know that!!! Is there? I mean, obviously you don't record a big TV special with material you haven't tried out and tested and honed. I can see him doing that bit ONCE, not realizing (somehow) that it doesn't make sense. Then, I would THINK, after flying to his next destination, it would occur to him, "Oh! There's porn at the DESTINATION as well. Well, that makes sense now! Why did I not realize that? I looked like a retarded asshole the other night! Well, time to crank one off." But let's say, for the sake of argument, that maybe none of that ever occurs to him. He's DAVID FUCKING CROSS! He's got TONS of friends who are extremely intelligent AND comedians! You can't tell me the flaw in his premise isn't going to occur to SOMEONE!!! And even failing that, SOMEONE in his audience would have told him at some point, wouldn't they? So here's the big question: Did this fundamentally flawed premise SOMEHOW slip passed all this radar, or did Crossy KNOW that it was a bad premise and proceeded to use it anyway??? Can anyone shed a little light over this way?

07-06-2004, 06:34 PM
Settle down it's just a fucking joke. It's a funny joke too. Most of those crappy stores in airports are for people who are killing time before there flight, not people who just got off their flight. I've never gone into a airport store after my flight to buy something, so I don't think there are a lot of people getting off the plane and buying porn. Even if it is the case that most people are buying the porn post flight so they can spank it in their hotel room or where ever, it doesn't matter the joke still works. People aren't actually buying porn at the airport then whipping out there dicks on the plane but it's a funny idea. The joke works because they do sale porn at the airport not because people are using it on the plane.

07-06-2004, 06:43 PM
Hey when are we ever going to find out why those bags of peanuts are so small? I mean what is the deal with those things? It's like they're for anorexic midgets come on people am I right or am I right or am I right or am I right or what?

Then the Captain comes on that little speaker thing and he's all retarded and shit anafsdsasdasdfasdfasfdI'mahackcomic

07-06-2004, 06:59 PM
I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Did you just say something about cumming on anorexic midgets? And small nutsacks? Wow, déjà vu.

07-06-2004, 07:02 PM
And why do black people smell so shitty? I mean come on!

07-06-2004, 07:17 PM
Hey, I had this weird dream the other day. I drempt (not a word) that I saw some black comedian on TV and he was saying something like, "...and why are white folks always ITCHY???" And the audience is jumpin' around, hootin' & hollerin' like Def Jam. "...y'always see 'em walkin' down the street SCRAAAAAATCHIN' and shit. Ya know?" And he's, like, just scratching all over his torso and making frustrated, itchy faces. And the audience is DYING! And I'm like, "What the fuck is this guy talking about???" Maybe you had to be there.

Hey, fuck you, it's my thread, I'll drive it wherever the fuck I want!

07-06-2004, 07:33 PM
You just summed up every black comedian ever. Except instead of itching, just use driving or dancing or skiiing or fucking or pretty much anything else.

Also worth hating on: Mexican comics. "My gramama is like 'You getcho loco zapatos back here this instant Santa Maria del Arriba con carne y queso! Ay!" and there's a fucking chorus of deep, jovial, Mexican-sounding laughter from every corner of the room. Meanwhile I'm sitting there with my dick in my hands waiting for the goddamn moneyshot and looking like a jackass once again. TALKING IN SPANISH IS NEITHER A JOKE NOR A PUNCHLINE GODDAMMIT!

07-06-2004, 07:35 PM
Wow! Impotent, incoherent nonsensical rage. Is that what it feels like to be you 3v3?

And hey why don't you go ahead and tell me your first name so I can stop using numbers when I'm talking to you.

07-06-2004, 07:38 PM
I saw a mexican comic on tv and his whole premise was "what if jesus was your neighbor." He went on about how you would have to mow his lawn and you would really have to hide your weed when you had a barbeque. It was terribly funny.

07-06-2004, 07:43 PM
Originally posted by CptPlanet
And hey why don't you go ahead and tell me your first name so I can stop using numbers when I'm talking to you.

I can't believe none of y'all have figured that out yet. 3v3+Z IS my name! It's just BACKWARDS! STEVE! Get it? :rolleyes: (Hey, at least I'm not using some "Mr. Show" reference as my name. I deserve points for that.)

07-06-2004, 07:46 PM
Originally posted by quartersmostly
It was terribly funny.

Well, you're half right. The terrible half! BWAAAAAAAA-HA-ha-HAAAA!

I'm gonna go get some ice...

07-06-2004, 08:10 PM
I'm gonna go get some cocaine. Nice to meet you STEVE!

(That really is clever I am happy that you are so smart!)

07-07-2004, 08:39 AM
Those magazines racks are purposely set up for people who are getting on flights.... so the joke works.

Now as for funny dreams...

I had a dream I was back at my aunts funeral (RIP) and this time it was open casket. It was really gross because I couldn't help but masterbate all over her face. I mean come on it was an open casket!

07-07-2004, 12:42 PM
Yeah, plus if you're already on your way out of the airport, why pay 3x as much for the porno when you could find a dumpy gas station and gets some there. Or use your hotel room's PPV porno service.

07-07-2004, 06:58 PM
That joke is fucking hillarious, I still laugh when I hear it. Maybe he thought it was funnier if the joke had some flaws. Now you get a prize for finding it! One free full frontal lobotomy!

07-08-2004, 10:46 PM
by the time we realized that, we'd already laughed and moved on to the next joke. so it works.

07-20-2004, 08:38 PM
If anyone has "The Pride is Back" on tape and is willing to make a copy let me know. I'll pay for the blank tape, shipping, and the effort.

I appreciate any help.


07-21-2004, 02:19 AM
I've got the audio on MP3. Can't help you out with the video I'm afraid.

07-21-2004, 08:57 AM
Yeah, if you're willing to e-mail the MP3 then please do.


Pig Josh
07-21-2004, 12:09 PM
Once again, I must recommend Soulseek. The Pride is Back is always available on there. As is the Ainsley McTree or whatever show.

07-21-2004, 05:07 PM
They still play it on the Comedy Network here in Canada once in a while

Tammy Dobbs
07-21-2004, 06:19 PM
I've got a semi-shitty quality tape of "Pride is Back" if that helps anyone. I also have the 1/2 Hour HBO thingy. I'm a little obsessed with the Crossman.

07-21-2004, 06:29 PM
Originally posted by AdamFriday
Yeah, if you're willing to e-mail the MP3 then please do.


Do you have AIM?

07-21-2004, 06:47 PM
I use Mentadent.

07-21-2004, 07:16 PM
What is the "half hour HBO thingy"?

Tammy Dobbs
07-21-2004, 11:39 PM
Sorry, don't know what AIM is? I'm not very computer literate. Just know enough to get by.
Half hour HBO thingy is what was talked about in the David is a drunk thread.
I also have both appearances on Bravo's poker tourny, two of the three Carson appearances and a pretty funny Jimmy Kimmel appearance/bit...among many other things.
I'm so pathetic.

07-22-2004, 08:12 AM
It's really awesome if you are a girl, it's disgusting and pathetic if you're a dude.

Pig Josh
07-22-2004, 03:27 PM
What about David on Dinner for 5?

Tammy Dobbs
07-22-2004, 06:47 PM
LOl, I'm a girl and yes David on both Dinner for Five's.

07-22-2004, 06:58 PM
What about "Comedy on the Road with John Byner"?

07-22-2004, 07:03 PM
What about when David was on Sesame Street?

07-22-2004, 07:10 PM
Yeah, and what about when Big Bird was on "Mr. Show", you LYING SON of a COCK SPROCKET!!! :mad: