Wow. This is unbelievable. I feel like I'm going to throwup. Very depressing. I'm at a loss for words but Julie was an awesome person and this is really tragic. I regret not being able to meet her in person. It's a very sad day.

For once I am looking at an empty text-box on BUTM and am at a total loss for words. So bear with me, jerks.


I've been sitting here for more than 30 minutes trying to figure out what the hell to write, but with 41 posts already submitted on her behalf I am not sure what I could say that hasn't been said already. But here I go anyway….One thing that is nagging at my guts is how her hilarious and magnetic personality masked a deep sense of insecurity. As much as I think of all the funny things she said and all the funny things she did, I am utterly haunted at how many times I would talk to her on the phone and listen to her sad voice talk about how she had embarrassed herself the previous night, or how bad she sucked, or how she felt like a loser or how she thought so-and-so hated her. For some reason it is these sad things she said that stuck with me; mostly because I was all the way on the east coast and that I never felt I could sufficiently cheer her up over the phone. God. Does anyone else recall as vividly as I do how, when you'd agree with her on one of her self-deprecating rants, she dejectedly say "Shuddup." I am nothing if I can't hear her say that again.

I also saw Julie as a woman torn between her dreams of comedy (which she no doubt would have fulfilled) and a sense of loyalty to her family. She made such profound impressions on some of comedy's finest; Oswalt, Posehn, Mirman, Blitz.... She had the talent, she had the brains, she had the connections... She had the potential to use these talents to her advantage. I am convinced that even at her young age, she was years ahead of most everyone out there and was absolutely on the right track. But I felt that her devotion to her nephew and other family and friends made her apprehensive of fully going for it. She made these remarkable and productive trips to LA but I think the safety net of having her family to go back to made these trips possible because she knew she didn't have to stay in LA if she didn’t want to. Don't think I am implying there is something wrong with this, because I don't. I actually found her devotion to comedy and family to be two of her sweetest and humane attributes.

I keep bouncing around my head the last days of my interaction with her. On Friday night she sent me a pic message of herself from the chest up with a note that said that she was peeing in a public restroom. Ironically, when I received that picture I was in the bathroom taking a shit. I couldn't believe the coincidence so I sent her a picture of myself with a note saying I was actually taking a shit. A short while later she gave me a call, but I was a bit drunk and just wanted to get some sleep and didn't pick up. That is the last time she tried to call me.

Saturday evening I went to see Doug Gillard (ex-GBV) perform out in Brooklyn. I got out of the show at about 11:00pm. I was pretty wasted and had a long walk home ahead of me so I gave her a call. She didn't pick up so I left one of my usual drunken, long, rambling messages that go absolutely nowhere. Trust me; she was used to messages like this from me. I remember closing by saying I hoped she was safe and that she should give me a call soon. A few hours later, and a few more beers later, I was sitting on my couch depressed she hadn't called back so I sent her a text that simply said "Oh, Julie." But at that point she was long gone. The phrase “Oh, Julie” is the only thing on my mind right now.

I am going to miss her so much. Finally getting to meet her and spend time with her after months of phone conversations and e-mails was one of the brightest moments of my life. I felt like I had made a friend like no other. BUTM is the only message board I’ve ever consistently posted at and Julie is one of the first cyber-people I’ve ever met in real life. My life is better for it.

I guess I’ll wrap it up. I wrote a lot, but did I say anything? One thing I must add is that it warms my heart to see everyone here being so articulate and genuinely reflective about this tragedy. You are all saying such amazing things and I am proud to post among such great people.

Gravely
K_K

Services have been scheduled.
 

This is Julie's big brother, Bobby Rackley. I've been reading the forums. I really appreciate all of the great things that everyone has said. I am so glad that she was able to do the things she's done and touch so many people at such a young age.

I've also spoken to the Bexar County officials and Sarah's father has been notified. I am hoping that they will either contact us soon. I need to forward insurance information to them to let them know that service expenses should be taken care of.

Instead of flowers, my mother mentioned that donations to the Humane Society or Animal Defense in Julie's name would be something that she would like.

Below will be the obituary that will run tomorrow moring.

Julia Ann Self
8/29/84
6/18/05

Our beloved daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, niece was tragically taken from us on Saturday, June 18th, 2005.

Julie will be truly missed by her parents, Susan and Rocky Self; grandfather, Jessie A. Self; her brothers, Bobby and his wife Leah, Ryan and his fiancé Heather and youngest brother Kyle; her aunt, Barbara, her cousins, Anthony and Michelle; her niece, Paige; her nephews, Tyler, Garrett, Austin and numerous other relatives.

In the short twenty years of her life, Julie’s fun loving spirit has touched many lives. Many people that knew her for a short time quickly considered her a dear friend. It only took meeting her once for you to become engulfed in her enthusiastic nature. Her wit was incomparable and her laugh was contagious. She lived her life to the fullest. Although we will never see her again on this earth, her spirit, humor and love of life will live on in our memories. She will always be remembered.

Services will be held on Wednesday, June 22, 2005 at 12:00pm.
Mission Park Funeral Chapels
3401 Cherry Ridge Drive
San Antonio, TX 78230
210-349-1414

We will be gathering at my house afterwards to celebrate her life. Directions will be provided.

Please pass this information along to everyone.

Thank you,
Bobby Rackley
RRackley@satx.rr.com

I think the boards are going to quieten down here at BUTM for the next few days. I, like a few others I'm sure, really feel saddened by posting here at the moment.

People say that those you get to know on the internet aren't really friends if you haven't met them. I now know what utter bullshit this is. I may have never met Julie, but her wonderful personality was clearly conveyed in everything she wrote. I'm in a state of complete shock at the moment as to just how saddened I am by this. It has made me realise, as in Seths case, just how much she changed the way I approached comedy. She had a talent I could only ever aspire to, only attempt to emulate. This makes losing her all the worse. This doesn't just apply to me though, but everyone who has ever read BUTM. We all know just how many guests lurk on these boards, never posting. It wouldn't surprise me if many of them are feeling this too.

I was due to go see Patton tomorrow, up in London. Not sure I'll go now.

Julie and Patton were friends. You really should go if for no other reason then in her memory.

Go.

Yeah, I was being a twat. I'm going.

Julie was planning to come up to New York in July for the Comedians of Comedy show on July 29th. Last time we talked she said she was trying to get Sarah to come too.

I think a great way to honor Julie and Sarah is to make sure we get as many people out for this show as possible.


I know for sure that Tj, Teengirl, Klaus, Terris and I will be there.

After the show we will all be gathering to share stories, beers and tears in memory of Julie and Sarah.

Seth, is there any way we can get you to come up?

I'll be there unless my uncle passes away arounfd that time, in which case I'm gonna be in California for his funeral.

I've told too many people I'm gonna be there to not be there.

And just in case no one plans the trip for the wrong night, the show is Friday July, 29th.

also a lot of us are staying at the Jazz on the Town hostel. you can find it at
http://www.hostels.com/hosteldetails...telNumber.4554

TJ and I both called Julie's mom tonight and she said it was great to hear from Julie's friends. I feel so much better after being able to reminisce and laugh with her about Julie and her jokes. Anyone else (Jeff, Seth, and Nick, I'm looking in your direction) should give her a call and tell her some funny stories you have about Julie.

I'll actually show up this time. Scout's honor.

i dont even know what to fucking say

me neither, rip julie.. i dont post much but i'm here everyday and she always made me laugh

I would really really really love to come up more than anything in the world but I honestly just can't afford it. I'm going to be spending most of my money trying to get my car fixed. I don't even know if it would hold up on the drive to the airport. I'm gonna try to see what I can do though. Give me some dates and I'll start shopping around for tickets and stuff. I really want to meet all you guys.

Bobby: Thanks for posting here. It means a lot to me and everyone else here. I'm going to put that into the first post.

Kinski: Remember when you changed your avatar to Falco and had a contest to see who could guess it and I won and you said you'd put me up for a few nights at your place if I ever came to NYC? Because I do. (It's cool if you can't.)

Danielle: Thanks for the AIM message. Why can't I message you back? And why don't you want me to drink?

I will be there, definately (if it doesn't sell out before I buy tick's from the BO). I'm very sad that Julie had passed and hope her friends/family's can find peace/happiness.

A little Julie trivia for y'all:




Something else I found funny, and I'm fairly certain I'm ALONE in this one:

That's from this thread.

Can someone please tell me how to get tickets to this show?

i think as a group we should buy a shitload of amazing comedy dvd's (mr. show, arrested development, let america lauigh, ben stiller, etc.) and donate them to the austin public library so that future comedy nerds in texas have access to this stuff with out having to buy the stuff right away,

i'd like to think julie would have loved to have stumbled upon that stuff at the library when she was 14, and i think she would want more people to laugh and enjoy what was so dear to her.

i really really really like this idea, anyone else?

What makes you guys think Julie would use a library for anything other than free internet?

That just reminded me of getting a Brooklyn Public Library card so I could email my teacher and Julie ended up using about 23 of my 30 minutes checking her emails, myspace, here, etc.

Life is strange sometimes, dudes.

I remember when we were going out for the third show at Invite Them Up and Julie was wearing these real ugly shoes and I asked Chris about them and he said "yeah i told her, but she thinks they look good"... oh man they were so ugly.

I don't know why I remembered that, but it was so funny because she looked good and then you'd glance down at her shoes and they were horrific. It was like "you never knew this girl was from Texas, if it wasn't for her ugly shoes"...

I love how these little things keep popping into my head.

I've thought before about burning Bill Hicks cds or Mr. Show dvds and just mailing them to random people or leaving them in public places.

Anyway, I like your idea.

former lurker, first-time poster...
 

Although I've never posted, felt it was necessary to express my sympathy...I loved reading Julie's posts!! She was hysterically witty and sarcastic as hell!! She sounded like a wonderfully giving person...one who would put her family first, above all else, even to sacrifice her own happiness...that is rare in this day and age...she will truly be missed, and my deepest sympathy goes out to her friends, family and anyone who was lucky enough to know her...

Re: former lurker, first-time poster...
 

that's awesome, thanks so much jersey girl. Julie loved her fans. But she hated the movie Jersey Girl, so I guess we're back to square one.

I kid. She hated her fans.

Keep 'em coming Gleep Glop!

Well, it's official... I've purchased my tickets to the show.

I think we should have "Giggle Brother" t-shirts made.

Julie's friend, Christina, contacted me. She said she had some funny things Julie wrote, and I asked her for them. I told her we were all bouncing back and forth stories about her that made us laugh, and that more "Julie Writings" would put a smile on our faces. Here is something she sent me:

I'm just so very sorry for all of you who knew Julie. It sounds like she was an amazing person. It was always such a treat to hear her stories and chuckle in agreement with her opinions and ideals. She will be sorely missed. For as many of us that are strangers I surprised myself with uncontrollable tears when I came upon this thread. I thought you all should know how much I look forward to checking in on all of you and commiserating over daily bullshit when I can.
Please be safe. I've discovered today, I care about you all.

I lost one of my best friends 2 weeks ago. The experience itself drove me to this site seeking others for the sake of humor. Now I'm broken. It's hard to tell you how much you guys mean to me without sounding like a fuckin' psycho. But now -- Julie -- My mind is totally blown.

There's a place nearby -- it's called "TreePeople" it's in Los Angeles --- they plant trees and dedicate them to people we've lost -- It would be my sincere pleasure to dedicate a beautiful Oak tree planting to Julie. Please let me know if you're interested in joining the planting.

Much love to all. Those in the Los Angeles area interested in joining me for the planting, contact me.
Furg

I really like this idea.

Thoughts and prayers to Julie's family today. I only knew Julie from her postings, but like many here I've found myself very sad these last few days. I always enjoyed her posts, and I looked forward to what she had to say, because it was always smart, funny and original. I found a PM from her in my inbox where she gave me info to help me out on a project, and surely many others have similar notes from her. She was an instigator, a booster, and the kind of person who energizes the people around her. She will be missed by people in different countries and walks of life across the world. We've all been a little quieter this week.

Like a lot of people on this board I don’t post much but I do read the threads every day I’m at work. I never had any personal interaction with Julie but feel that I’ve gotten to know her a little through her posts. I was working when I found out and had to hold back tears. I knew that no one at work would understand why I was so upset.

It only became harder as I continued to read everyone’s posts. I've always thought that this was a very unique message board. After reading how sincerely devastated the entire board was over this loss, I realized just how amazing you are as a group. This board prides itself on being cynical mean fucks (which I love), that it broke my heart to read such sad and sincere posts from all of you.

I am going to make an effort to post more and get to know more of the people on this board. You are all so much more real than the most of the people I actually see on a regular basis.

My heart goes out to Julie’s family.

Thank you for all your support!
 

This is Bobby again. I usually go by Robert in my professional life but you guys are all family! I had to take a few minutes to read some things. You guys are awesome! I never realized what an impact my smart ass lil sis had on people. We all enjoyed and will continue to enjoy her crude rude way of making people laugh. Well, frustrated mom but we all ended up laughing our butts off. If there was a line to be crossed, she had no problem in leaping over it! Keep it alive!

We're all hanging out at my house listening to some Boston, Patton, and David Cross, making some bad puns, playing some bad Spurs like b-ball.

I was told earlier that there were things posted to a site called something like averyspecialthing.com. I can't seem to find it. Could someone send the link to me so I can forward it to my mom. Thanks much.

I plan to keep up with this site as often as I can. If anyone needs to get in touch with any of us, the best way is probably my email...rrackley@satx.rr.com

Farts (keepin it alive!)
Bobby Rackley

Re: Thank you for all your support!
 

Bobby since I'm not worried about offending you guys, here's something I wrote about Julie in my blog a couple months ago. I hope it doesn't make you cringe too hard. We joked around like this pretty much every time we talked.

Why isn't this thread in a more prominent place on our main page. "General Discussion" just gives you a headline. "News & Articles" gives you a little more meat! I say, let's give Julle some MEAT! Mr. Admin, do up somefim SPECIAL on our main page! This is fucking JULIE, for crap sakes!!

If Bill Maher has his own thread, I think Julie deserves one.